UCSB SCHOLAR GETS SWEET GIG TO STUDY... ROBOTS VOTING?

The Santa Barbara Independent, bless its earnest little heart, brought us the riveting news that UC Santa Barbara has blessed Associate Professor Dan Lane with a 'UC Fellow' title to research the scintillating topic of AI and civic engagement. Translation: taxpayer dollars will now fund an academic to ruminate on what happens when Skynet decides it wants to run for school board, or perhaps automate the process of complaining about bike lanes. One can only imagine the groundbreaking insights this will yield, likely presented in a PowerPoint deck so stunningly bland it could put a supercomputer to sleep.

While the rest of us are grappling with gas prices, inflation, and the ever-present threat of another 'zero-emission' mandate from Sacramento, our esteemed institutions of higher learning are busy awarding sinecures for contemplating how algorithms will interact with democracy. It's almost as if they're inventing problems to solve, rather than tackling actual issues that impact the average Californian. Perhaps Professor Lane can program an AI to figure out why a single-family home in Santa Barbara now costs more than a small country, or better yet, identify the real 'civic engagement' of powerful developers lobbying county supervisors.

But fear not, fellow citizens! Our intellectual elite are on the case, ensuring that when the AI overlords finally do arrive, they'll be well-versed in the intricacies of local town hall meetings. One can only hope that this 'fellowship' includes a deep dive into how AI can better track campaign contributions to progressive causes, or perhaps quantify the exact percentage of 'civic participation' that consists of complaining on NextDoor. The real angle here, which the Independent, in its infinite wisdom, entirely missed, is the continuous expansion of academic bureaucracy under the guise of 'research' – always with a healthy dose of public funding.