SUPERVISORS RUBBER-STAMP DEVELOPMENT WHILE YOU PAY FOR UTILITIES!

It seems the Santa Barbara County Board of Supervisors, ever alert to the pressing needs of their campaign donors, took a break from debating the color of recycling bins to approve the “Final Map of Tract No. 14,786 Zaca Preserve LLC.” Or, as we regular folks call it, 'another big hunk of land that will somehow become houses, despite being called a preserve.' The agenda item, drier than a desert biscuit, details the usual bureaucratic ballet of accepting various “Dedication of Easements for Public Utilities.” This, of course, means you, the humble taxpayer, get to foot the bill for the infrastructure that benefits Zaca Preserve LLC’s fortunate future residents.

While the Supervisors were busy admiring their own paperwork, they also managed to shake down the subdivider for a paltry $23,700 for monument setting – a sum that probably wouldn't cover the catering for one of their backroom strategy meetings, let alone actual public works. This money is then dutifully deposited into the mysterious “Fund 0999,” a black hole of public money that likely powers the county’s perpetual-motion bureaucracy machine.

And let's not forget the dazzling linguistic gymnastics performed under the California Environmental Quality Act (CEQA) Guidelines. According to the Supervisors, absolutely “no new effects will occur” from carving up this 'preserve.' This statement, of course, relies on the assumption that trees and wildlife are simply figments of our imagination, and not actual things that might object to being paved over. It’s a masterclass in bureaucratic denial, proving once again that if you just repeat 'no new effects' often enough, Mother Nature might just get the hint and stop being so inconvenient.

So, while the political establishment pats itself on the back for another 'Diligent Development Designation,' we’re left to wonder when these 'preserves' will start looking less like wildlands and more like gated communities. But hey, at least we know who’s getting rich, and who’s picking up the tab. Spoiler alert: it's not you, and it's definitely not the 'preserve' itself.