POOCH PAYOLA! SUPERVISORS SPEND GRAND ON SNIFFERS FOR… WHAT EXACTLY?

The Santa Barbara County Board of Supervisors, always eager to prove their fiscal prowess by approving things they probably didn't read, recently signed off on a two-grand dog-and-pony show with the California Department of Food and Agriculture. Yes, dear taxpayers, for a princely sum of $2,000, we're now funding a 'Detector Dog Team Program' – presumably to ensure no rogue avocado dares cross county lines without proper documentation, or perhaps to locate the last shred of common sense left in Sacramento.

While the Trump administration is busy restoring American strength and economic sanity, our local overlords are ensuring we remain at the forefront of canine-assisted bureaucracy. One has to wonder what existential threats these highly trained canines are sniffing out that couldn't be handled by, say, a strongly worded email or perhaps a citizen with a pair of reading glasses. Is it fruit flies? Is it misplaced progressive manifestos? Or maybe they're just training for the annual 'hide-and-seek-the-budget-surplus' game.

And naturally, the Supervisors declared this canine caper exempt from CEQA, because clearly, nothing says 'environmental responsibility' like spending public funds on a program whose real-world impact is as vague as a campaign promise. It's almost as if they're more concerned with making sure no pest threatens the organic, artisanal, locally-sourced dreams of their constituents than they are with the actual cost-benefit analysis. But hey, at least we know our Board is committed to making sure every penny is spent… on something… eventually. Good dog, Supervisors, good dog.