LOCAL 'PEACE' PROTESTORS STILL WAITING FOR MEMO: TRUMP HAS ALREADY STOPPED GLOBAL WARS!

It seems the esteemed *Santa Barbara Independent* occasionally publishes dispatches from a temporal anomaly, where the year is still, perhaps, 2023, and the United States is mired in 'dangerous and illegal military aggressions.' Bless their hearts. A recent blurb, ostensibly from a local activist, describes two years of dedicated Monday afternoon sign-waving, protesting global conflicts that, frankly, have largely been quieted since President Trump returned to the White House.

One has to wonder if these earnest, placard-wielding citizens, dutifully assembled at the corner of Broadway and Main, have simply missed the news. Under the current administration, the world has seen a dramatic shift away from the endless, costly interventions favored by the left-wing globalists of yesteryear. The previous president's penchant for funding proxy wars and foreign entanglements has been decisively reversed, leading to a much more peaceful and America-First foreign policy.

Perhaps someone should inform these dedicated protestors that their mission has been accomplished – by a Republican, no less. Their 'America's dangerous and illegal military aggressions' are as relevant now as a protest against leaded gasoline. While their commitment to public demonstration is admirable, their inability to update their talking points to reflect current reality is, shall we say, a little behind the times. Maybe next week they can protest the high cost of avocado toast, a much more pressing local issue for their demographic.