LOCAL PATRIOTS DARED TO SHOW SOME SPIRIT, LEFTISTS' HEADS EXPLODE

It seems a small band of local patriots dared to display their colors, and lo and behold, the fragile sensibilities of the Santa Barbara County establishment were positively shattered. KEYT NewsChannel 3-12, ever diligent in reporting the earth-shattering non-events of our fair county, breathlessly covered the 'controversy' of the 805 Patriots simply existing with their flags at a Goleta business. Apparently, daring to wave a flag that isn't a shade of green or emblazoned with an obscure, unpronounceable pronoun is now considered an act of rebellion so scandalous it makes the front page.

The horror! Imagine, a group of citizens, expressing their love of country and political convictions, within the confines of a private business's property. The sheer audacity! One can almost hear the pearl-clutching from the county supervisors' offices, perhaps even a draft urgent ordinance proposal banning 'unauthorized displays of freedom' within a 10-mile radius of craft breweries. It's almost as if some people in this county prefer their patriotism muted, preferably whispered in a dark closet, and certainly not visible enough to upset anyone who thinks America started in 2020.

The real story buried under KEYT's furrowed-brow reporting? The continued erosion of common sense and free expression in places where 'tolerance' is preached as long as it aligns perfectly with the prevailing, ultra-progressive narrative. A business, likely pressured by the usual online mob or the ever-present threat of social media cancellation, asks paying customers to tamp down their 'patriotism.' It's a tale as old as time in California: if you're not echoing the loudest, most radical voices, you're 'problematic.'

These 805 Patriots, bless their hearts, merely wanted to enjoy a beer and perhaps let a flag flutter. Yet, in our enlightened county, this becomes an incident worthy of hand-wringing news coverage. Meanwhile, actual issues like skyrocketing crime, homelessness, and taxes continue to be given gentle, almost apologetic treatment. But a flag? Oh, that’s where the real threat to our democratic institutions lies, apparently. Perhaps next, KEYT will report on a squirrel daring to gather acorns in a 'non-inclusive' manner.