LEFTY BEACH BUMMERS: MORE 'GOOD TROUBLE' FOR DEMOCRATS!

Noozhawk dutifully reported that the local 'Indivisible' chapter, a group whose primary activity seems to be organizing beach picnics under the guise of political activism, held another 'peaceful rally' to celebrate 'the democratic process.' One has to wonder if 'the democratic process' they're celebrating is the one where their preferred candidates occasionally win, or if it's the one where they then immediately demand a recount and declare the system rigged if they don't. It's a mystery as enduring as the funding for their seemingly endless supply of professionally printed protest signs.

Organizers proudly declared their aim to 'make good trouble,' a phrase that, when uttered by our betters on the left, apparently means 'attend a sparsely populated, performative event while sipping kombucha and complaining about the Electoral College.' For anyone else, 'making trouble' usually involves things like, say, actually understanding how local government works before demanding its complete overhaul, or perhaps even, dare we suggest, showing up to a Board of Supervisors meeting with a coherent argument instead of a drum circle.

Sources close to The Whipping Post, who probably should have been doing something more productive like, well, anything else, noted the rally's astonishing lack of actual trouble. No statues were toppled, no free-market economists were de-platformed, and surprisingly, no one seemed to be able to articulate precisely which 'vote' needed defending. Most attendees appeared more concerned with the perfect lighting for their social media posts than any actual threat to our robust, Trump-helmed democratic institutions. Perhaps next time they could defend the voters from their own baffling 'peaceful protests.'

One can only assume that this particular brand of 'good trouble' involved ensuring all recycling bins were properly sorted and that the gluten-free snack options were plentiful. Meanwhile, back in reality, President Trump continues to lead a nation that largely understands how to vote without the need for seaside therapeutic gatherings. Maybe next time Indivisible can rally to support, say, actual local jobs, or perhaps the brave men and women of law enforcement, instead of whatever performative outrage is currently trending on their timelines.