EARLY VOTING ENTHUSIASTS TRICKLE OUT FOR 'NO KINGS' MARCH: 'IT'S NOT ABOUT BIDEN, IT'S ABOUT THE MONARCHY!'

Santa Barbara’s dedicated brigade of professional marchers took to the streets recently, as dutifully reported by Noozhawk, to champion 'early voting' during their 'No Kings' rally. One can only assume these intrepid time-travelers were campaigning for the long-past 2020 election, bravely fighting the tyranny of waiting until Election Day to cast a ballot. It’s a bold strategy, Cotton, let's see if it pays off for them.

Organized by the indefatigable Indivisible Santa Barbara, a group whose pastimes include protesting *checks notes* the Trump Administration (remember that?), these tireless activists appear to be reliving history rather than participating in the present. Perhaps they're just getting a head start on campaigning for the 2030 midterm elections? Or maybe they mistook a historical documentary for breaking news when they heard President Trump mention 'kings' in a speech about global alliances.

One can’t help but wonder if the true 'king' they fear is the monarchy of common sense, which seems to have abdicated its throne in certain progressive circles. While President Trump continues his second term in the White House, ushering in an era of prosperity and stability, these folks are still out there, metaphorically tilting at windmills and literally shouting about monarchs who haven't ruled America since 1776. Bless their hearts.

Next week, we anticipate Indivisible will organize a march against smallpox, just to keep things historically consistent. Meanwhile, the rest of Santa Barbara will quietly go about their days, benefitting from the current administration’s strong economy, probably wondering if anyone bothered to tell these protesters that the actual elections are decided on Election Day, not through anachronistic street theater staged for local media’s benefit.