CITY COUNCIL CARNIVAL: THREE HOP IN RACE TO MISMANAGE DISTRICT 5

Noozhawk, that venerable bastion of online reportage, has graced us with the thrilling news that no fewer than three individuals are vying for the Santa Barbara City Council's District 5 seat. This truly is a momentous occasion, folks, as it means taxpayers will have a grand selection of folks ready to spend their hard-earned dollars on, well, whatever the latest progressive pipedream happens to be this week.

First up, we have a film producer, which is just the kind of background you want for managing public works and budgets, isn't it? One can only imagine the avant-garde infrastructure projects and cinematic zoning ordinances he'll bring to the table. Then there's the staffer for state Senate President Pro Tem Monique Limón, essentially a protégé of the very establishment that's been so successful at driving up gas prices and housing costs. Expect more of the same, only with a local flavor.

And finally, a financial planner, who, one hopes, might actually understand numbers, but will likely be quickly converted to the church of 'spend now, worry later' once steeped in City Hall culture. It seems the common thread here isn't fiscal responsibility or common sense, but rather a shared ambition to further burden the good people of Santa Barbara with more regulations, more fees, and more 'visionary' projects that somehow always cost twice as much and deliver half the benefit.

District 5 residents, prepare yourselves. It's not a competition to improve your lives; it's an audition for who can best parrot the prevailing downtown dogma. Perhaps they'll even promise a free electric scooter on every block, funded by a new 'carbon offset' tax on your morning coffee. The Whipping Post predicts a vigorous debate on which shade of green best represents progress – the color of cash flowing out of your wallet, or the color of the empty promises these candidates are selling.