SUPERVISORS SUE TIKTOK, THEN BLAME TWITTER; COUNTY LAWYERS EYE FAT CAT FEES!

The Santa Barbara County Board of Supervisors, in a move that surprises absolutely no one attuned to the intricacies of progressive governance, has decided to sue 'certain social media companies.' Yes, you read that right. Instead of perhaps fixing the ever-escalating unfunded pension liabilities, crumbling infrastructure, or the inexplicable urge to declare every Tuesday an environmental emergency, our esteemed leaders have identified TikTok dances and Instagram selfies as the root of all evil. Their solution? A contingent-fee contract with the legal juggernaut Baron and Budd, who, let's be honest, probably sent the county a 'how to make easy money' brochure.

This week, the Board considered recommendations to greenlight litigation services for a lawsuit aiming to abate the 'public nuisance created by these companies.' Apparently, the real nuisance isn't the ever-expanding bureaucracy, the endless regulations stifling local businesses, or the annual budget discussions that resemble a children's charades game. No, it's the digital platforms that allow citizens to share cat videos and political memes. The county's rationale is as flimsy as a vegan gluten-free croissant, claiming this legal escapade is exempt from CEQA because it's merely a 'government administrative or fiscal activity.' Translation: we're spending your money on a lawsuit that won't actually build anything, so it can't possibly harm the environment.

One has to wonder if the supervisors plan to subpoena every single county employee's phone to prove the extent of this alleged digital 'nuisance.' Or perhaps they'll establish a county-funded 'Social Media Scroll Time' task force, equipped with binoculars and a boundless budget, to monitor our screen habits. The Whipping Post suspects this is less about protecting the public and more about political posturing and providing Baron and Budd with a lovely, taxpayer-funded golden parachute. After all, what’s a little frivolous litigation when there’s a chance to look ‘active’ and deflect from actual governance?