STATE STREET: 'MASTER PLAN' OR MASTERPIECE OF MOONDOGGERY?

Another year, another 'master plan' for State Street, and the Santa Barbara Independent, bless its progressive heart, reminds us that the public comment period is officially closing. Apparently, the City's brain trust believes that by continuously 're-imagining' State Street, they'll eventually stumble upon a version that doesn't bleed businesses dry or confuse tourists into going to Ventura instead. It's the civic equivalent of rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic, except the Titanic is a once-thriving downtown corridor, and the deck chairs are artisanal succulent shops and over-priced oat milk latte vendors.

One has to wonder if these 'master plans' aren't less about actual urban planning and more about keeping a battalion of highly-paid consultants and city planners employed. Every few years, a new committee convenes, a fresh batch of 'stakeholders' are consulted (read: developers with friends in high places), and millions are spent on glossy reports full of renderings that look nothing like the final, inevitably underwhelming, product. Meanwhile, local businesses—the ones actually paying the taxes, mind you—are left to navigate an ever-shifting landscape of bike lanes, outdoor dining permits, and parking scarcity.

Now, the City is graciously allowing *you* (yes, you, the taxpayer who pays for all this!) to submit your 'input' before they finalize whatever elaborate scheme they've already decided upon. Don't be surprised if your pleas for more parking or fewer homeless encampments are quietly filed under 'dissenting opinions from the unenlightened masses.' Our insider sources tell us the *real* master plan involves converting the entire thoroughfare into a giant, open-air co-working space powered by kale smoothies and good intentions, funded by grants for 'equitable urban redistribution.'

So, if you're feeling particularly ambitious, go ahead and submit your two cents. Just don't hold your breath waiting for the 'planners' to actually listen. They're too busy perfecting their next grant application for 're-envisioning the re-imagined State Street master plan 2.0.' It's a gold mine, really, if you're on the receiving end of those public funds.