SOLVANG STRIKE! BUREAUCRATS 'DIRECT' MORE TALKS WHILE TAXPAYERS PAY THE BILL

It’s week five of the Solvang municipal employees' strike, and local taxpayers are no doubt thrilled to learn that their esteemed City Council, after presumably consulting a Ouija board or maybe just their morning horoscope, has finally provided 'direction' to its negotiators. That’s right, folks, weeks into a standoff that’s making the city look like a Danish ghost town, our betters on the council have decided that perhaps talking might be a good idea. Who knew?

Noozhawk breathlessly reported this earth-shattering development, noting the council gave 'additional authority' to its negotiator, which sounds suspiciously like they just told them to keep doing whatever it is they were doing, only with more gravitas. One has to wonder what they were doing for the previous four weeks if not, you know, negotiating with full authority. Perhaps they were waiting for a celestial alignment, or maybe a particularly potent batch of Danish pastries to kick in.

Meanwhile, the striking employees, who presumably aren't negotiating with magic eight-balls, continue to make demands that would make a G.I. Joe action figure blush with envy, while the city's legal eagles rack up billable hours faster than a flock of pigeons dive-bombing spilled Froot Loops. The real story here isn't the 'direction,' it's the direction of taxpayer dollars straight into the pockets of the lawyers and bureaucrats whose entire job is to avoid these stalemates. One suspects the 'new instructions' involved ensuring the buffet during negotiations is adequately stocked, because Lord knows, democracy runs on hors d'oeuvres.

While residents navigate mounting piles of trash and delayed permits, our civic leaders are engaged in what can only be described as performance art. When will the public get 'direction' on how much this bureaucratic bungling is costing them? Don’t hold your breath; you’ll probably find a unicorn first, riding a bicycle, delivering your mail. At least then you’d know *somebody* is working.