SBCC TRUSTEE FORUM: MORE COLLEGE CRAP TALK, LESS 'COLLEGE'

Well, folks, hold onto your hemp lattes because the *Santa Barbara Independent* reports that our beloved SBCC is bravely volunteering to host another 'Trustee Candidate Forum.' This annual ritual, much like the college's tuition hikes, is a dependable fixture on the local calendar, guaranteeing an evening of profound insights into how to spend other people's money while simultaneously claiming to be 'for the students.' One can only imagine the riveting discussions on how to further 'diversify' student snacks or perhaps institute a mandatory 'equity nap' period between classes.

Of course, what this forum *won't* likely address are the truly pressing issues: like why, exactly, a two-year vocational school seems to require a small army of 'diversity, equity, and inclusion' officers, or how many more useless administrative positions can be conjured from thin air before the actual educators are outnumbered by people holding clipboards. Expect zero mention of the burgeoning pension liabilities that our local mandarins merrily ignore, or the astronomical cost of living that drives potential students away, forcing them into the 'gig economy' instead of a thriving career forged at a *community college*.

This isn't about electing responsible stewards of taxpayer dollars; it's about finding the next crop of well-meaning, utterly clueless individuals eager to rubber-stamp the latest progressive fad that costs a fortune and achieves precisely nothing. So, grab your organic popcorn and prepare for a masterclass in performative governance, where the only thing guaranteed to be higher than the student debt is the collective self-regard of everyone involved. Maybe this year they'll finally explain why a 'sustainable arts and wellness center' is more important than, say, a plumber.