LOCAL NEWS DISCOVERS... A GUY RUNNING FOR OFFICE?!

Santa Barbara's award-winning 'journalists' at KEYT NewsChannel 3-12 have once again proven their unwavering commitment to… well, whatever it is they do. In a stunning display of deep-dive reporting that surely required at least 30 seconds and a Google search, they've uncovered the earth-shattering fact that a man named Jason Dominguez is seeking a seat on the Santa Barbara City Council for District 4. And get this: he's nonpartisan! We assume this means he doesn't subscribe to the official party line that currently dictates everything from your coffee order to your carbon footprint in this town.

The Whipping Post, ever on the pulse of what really matters, must commend KEYT for this bold, if not slightly tardy, public service announcement. While other outlets might be busy investigating the curious case of the disappearing city budget or the latest backroom deal brokered by 'concerned citizens' with deep pockets, KEYT courageously brings us the candidate's name, the office he seeks, and links to his social media. Truly, we are blessed by such vigilant gatekeepers of information.

What KEYT’s groundbreaking exposé perhaps conveniently missed, amid the flurry of copying-and-pasting, is any mention of what a 'nonpartisan' candidate actually means in a city where progressive dogma is practically enshrined as the official religion. Or, for that matter, any insight into how his past actions might intersect with the shadowy forces shaping our fair city's future. But hey, details are for the little people, right? We're just thankful our local news managed to confirm that, yes, local elections do, in fact, feature candidates.