JUDGE TELLS HOMEBUILDERS: 'DON'T TRY TO BUILD HOMES HERE!'

A federal judge recently tossed a lawsuit brought by Mission LLC, the plucky developers daring to suggest Santa Barbara might actually need more housing. The Independent, God bless their cotton socks, reported the judge thought the lawsuit was “unripe.” Apparently, the judicial branch now moonlights as a produce stand, judging the ripeness of constitutional rights. One must wonder if they prefer their lawsuits firm or slightly bruised for optimal flavor.

This latest bureaucratic speed bump—or should we say, housing affordability crater—means more delays for a proposed eight-story project behind the historical Mission. Because, clearly, the sacred cows of 'local character' and 'shadow studies' are far more critical than, say, allowing actual humans to afford to live in this town. It's almost as if the powers-that-be, including a judge who sees "serious constitutional questions" but then dismisses the case anyway, are working overtime to ensure every new resident is either a billionaire or a highly adaptable hermit.

Now, Mission LLC gets to go back to the drawing board, presumably to add more 'unripe' allegations or perhaps just build a smaller, more 'quaint' shanty that only takes up, oh, five parking spaces instead of fifty. The unstated message from the city and court is clear: "We love housing... just not here, and certainly not if it’s more than two stories, or if it might inconvenience a single bougainvillea." Meanwhile, regular folks continue to get priced out of a city whose leadership seems dedicated to turning it into an exclusive, ungentrifying, historical diorama rather than a living, breathing community.

This legal back-and-forth highlights the classic Santa Barbara shell game: pretend to care about housing, then erect so many regulatory hurdles and legal quagmires that nothing ever gets built. It’s a genius strategy if your goal is to preserve a perfectly curated, unaffordable utopia for the perpetually affluent. Perhaps Mission LLC should just propose building luxury avocado orchards; they’d probably get fast-tracked.