ISLA VISTA'S 'COASTAL ACCESS' WHINE: DID SOMEONE FORGET TO INSTALL A DECK CHAIR?

It seems the Santa Barbara Independent has uncovered a scandal of epic proportions: Isla Vistans can't quite get to their beaches as easily as they'd like, because, well, nature. Apparently, during the 'hottest autumn in memory' (a phrase designed to elicit maximum climate-panic, no doubt), the horrors of a little sand and the impending 'El Niño' are simply too much for our delicate coastal denizens to bear. One can almost hear the weeping and gnashing of teeth over the lack of a perfectly paved, ADA-compliant path directly to their preferred spot for virtue-signaling and artisanal kombucha.

Now, common sense might suggest that sometimes, coastal erosion happens, especially on bluffs. And perhaps, just perhaps, the hundreds of millions poured into dubious 'green energy' schemes and social justice initiatives by the county could have been better spent shoring up actual infrastructure. But no, the Indep*ndent* would rather focus on the monumental 'debacle' of not being able to Insta-story your beachfront yoga with perfect ease. It's almost as if they believe Mother Nature should abide by their preferred zoning ordinances.

The real story, of course, isn't about coastal access, it's about coastal entitlement. Our local politicians, always eager to coddle the most vocal of their constituents, will no doubt now propose a multi-million-dollar 'coastal equity pathway' project, funded by — you guessed it — more taxpayer dollars. Because when you're busy saving the planet by banning plastic straws, who has time for practical solutions like letting Mother Nature occasionally do her thing, or, heaven forbid, just walking a little further?