GREEN GROUP GRUMBLERS GATHER: ARE THESE PURE SOULS SCARED OF A LITTLE BLACK GOLD?

Noozhawk's crack team of investigative journalists bravely documented an event this week: federal officials visited an oil facility in Goleta. Shocking, we know. Apparently, the dastardly Sable Offshore Corp. had the gall to, get this, *produce oil* after receiving federal approval. One can only imagine the sheer audacity of a company following the law and doing business in America. Cue the fainting couches and pearl-clutching!

Of course, no gathering of people actually doing things can occur in Santa Barbara without the local 'environmental groups' descending like indignant seagulls on a dropped french fry. They rallied, they protested, they no doubt wore a lot of ethically sourced hemp while decrying the very fuels that brought them to the protest site. One has to wonder if their solar-powered megaphones were fully charged, or if they had to resort to, gasp, *fossil fuel-generated electricity* to juice up their latest virtue signaling.

The real story Noozhawk missed, as usual, isn't that oil is being produced (it is, and we need it, lest anyone forget how they got to their protest), but the tireless fundraising efforts these 'grassroots' organizations undertake. Every protest sign is a billboard for their next grant application, every impassioned speech a pitch for another donation to protect us from, well, ourselves enjoying modern conveniences. It's a well-oiled machine, funnily enough, designed to keep their sinecures funded while the rest of us actually keep the lights on and the cars moving.

So, while Sable Offshore focuses on jobs and energy independence, the green brigades focus on ensuring their next annual gala is fully booked. Thank goodness for their moral superiority, otherwise, we might accidentally have affordable gas and a thriving economy. The horror!