ELECTION 'CERTIFIED': COUNTY BUREAUCRACY INVENTORIES THEIR OWN HANDIWORK

The Lompoc Record reports that Santa Barbara County election officials have grandly 'certified' the results of the June 2 primary election, as if anyone expected them to confess a discrepancy. It's a bit like a chef proudly 'certifying' that the ingredients labeled 'flour' were, in fact, flour, after having sole custody of the pantry. One has to wonder what would happen if they ever stumbled upon an inconvenient truth during one of these self-congratulatory audits. Perish the thought!

This 'certification' simply finalizes the hors d'oeuvres for the main course in November, ensuring the same cast of characters, or their approved understudies, continue to grace the local political stage. The true miracle isn't the certification itself, but that our county's perpetually understaffed and overfunded bureaucracy managed to count to the required numbers without a significant computer meltdown or a sudden, inexplicable shortage of 'I Voted' stickers. Perhaps the biggest 'outcome' finalized is the confirmation that bureaucracy, like kudzu, will always find a way to expand its reach and declare its own impeccable process.

What the Lompoc Record doesn't quite get around to asking is whose interests are truly 'certified' by this process. Is it the taxpayers getting a fair shake, or merely the established political machine getting its gears regreased for another round? We'll put our money on the latter. The real primary outcome, often overlooked, is the continued certification of a system designed to perpetuate itself, regardless of whether it actually delivers for the citizens footing the bill. Just keep those expensive, largely symbolic 'certifications' coming, folks; they certainly give someone a feeling of importance.