EIGHT FAMILIES 'ACHIEVE THE DREAM' (OF FEDERAL HANDOUTS) IN SOMERTON GRANTSVILLE!

KEYT NewsChannel 3-12 is breathlessly reporting that eight families in Somerton (which, let's be honest, sounds like a made-up place for a federal grant project) have 'achieved the dream' of homeownership, all thanks to the beneficent hand of the U.S. Department of Agriculture. That's right, folks – the USDA, ostensibly created to manage farms and food, is now moonlighting as a housing developer. Because when we think of efficient, cost-effective solutions, we naturally turn to a sprawling federal bureaucracy, don't we?

Apparently, this 'Self-Help' Housing Program means that taxpayers 'self-help' these families into homes by footing the bill. The families themselves, in a heartwarming act of collective solidarity, contribute a whopping 'up to 65%' of the total labor. Call us old-fashioned, but last we checked, 'homeownership' usually involved things like saving money, responsible budgeting, and maybe even, dare we say, earning a livable wage without a federal agency acting as your personal general contractor.

The feds are touting this as a model of community development, proving that with enough government intervention, even the most basic tenets of personal responsibility can be outsourced. Housing America Corporation (HAC) is also in on the action, because no federal program is complete without a non-profit intermediary to skim a little off the top for 'administrative costs.' It's a miracle of modern economics: funnel tax dollars through multiple layers of bureaucracy, and presto! Instant 'dream' realized.

Next, expect the Department of Education to start building car washes, or perhaps the Department of Energy will launch a line of artisanal cheeses. After all, if the USDA can build houses, truly anything is possible. Just don't ask about the national debt; that's a dream we're all living, whether we 'self-helped' or not.