CHURCH GETS WOKE ON KID-NAPPING: TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE, TOO OBVIOUS!

Noozhawk breathlessly reports that All Saints-by-the-Sea Episcopal Church is finally getting around to hosting a "public forum" on child sex trafficking. We're sure the attendees will be shocked — *shocked!* — to discover such depraved acts occur even in our idyllic, overpriced coastal paradise. One wonders if the progressive crowd needs a formal PowerPoint presentation to understand that children should not be trafficked, or perhaps they're just now connecting the dots between open border policies and the tragic rise in such crimes.

Always ready to lead from the rear, these venerable institutions of virtue signaling have a knack for assembling 'community forums' to discuss issues that have been metastasizing for years, often under the very noses of the establishment they so proudly represent. It’s a bit like calling a town hall to discuss the inherent dangers of breathing water – necessary, perhaps, for certain segments of the population, but for the rest of us, it’s just… obvious. The real question isn't *if* trafficking exists, but why it took a local church and a minor news outlet to 'spotlight' something that should have been illuminated by every single elected official and agency years ago.

One can't help but cynically predict the outcome: much hand-wringing, earnest speeches about "root causes" (ignoring border security, of course), and a flurry of new 'task forces' that will inevitably chew through taxpayer dollars without actually *solving* the problem. Instead of addressing the actual mechanisms that enable this horror — unfettered illegal immigration, lax law enforcement, and a justice system more concerned with coddling criminals than protecting innocents — we’ll get another round of 'awareness campaigns.' Meanwhile, sensible conservatives have been advocating for secure borders and tough-on-crime policies for decades, often dismissed as 'heartless' for daring to suggest inconvenient truths. Perhaps now that it's 'on trend,' they'll actually listen.