CARPINTERIA COMMISIONERS RUB ELBOWS, APPROVE LUXURY BOXES FOR PEASANTS!

The Coastal View News breathlessly reported that Carpinteria’s esteemed Planning Commission, in a rare display of perfect harmony, unanimously greenlit the 'Surf Cottages' project. Translation: a nice, quiet single-family home on Seventh Street is about to become a triple-decker sardine can, all in the name of 'progress.' We’re sure this will bring vital 'affordable' housing to the area, if by 'affordable' you mean only accessible to Silicon Valley millionaires looking for another pied-à-terre.

The real story, of course, isn't about quaint 'Surf Cottages' and their adorable second stories. It's about how quickly local officialdom rolls over for developers, especially when there’s a chance to extract more property tax revenue or, perhaps, a nice campaign donation down the line. Who needs open space or preserving local character when you can cram more units onto a postage-stamp lot? Apparently, Carpinteria’s commissioners all agree that the best way to maintain the town's small-town charm is to pave over every last inch and build up, up, up.

One has to wonder if these urban planners even glance at a fiscal impact report or simply nod along as the latest 'sustainable housing' buzzwords are trotted out. The only thing sustainably growing in Carpinteria is the property values, pushing out anyone who isn't already independently wealthy. But don't worry, the Planning Commission assures us these new luxury condos will totally solve the housing crisis, one high-priced unit at a time. It's a masterclass in bureaucratic absurdity, and the Coastal View News, bless its heart, reported it with all the critical analysis of a town crier announcing a new baker.