CALIFORNIA CRACK ADDICTS GET FREE PHONES, GOLD PLATED TOILETS NEXT?

The California Public Utilities Commission, a body so essential it could probably disappear and no one would notice except the lobbyists, has once again graced us with its wisdom. This time, they're 'updating' the California LifeLine Program, which translates to 'finding new ways to funnel taxpayer dollars into the pockets of the perpetually indignant.' The Santa Barbara Independent, with its trademark breathless coverage, reports on this as if the CPUC has just discovered cold fusion, rather than another layer of government largesse.

Apparently, in the fantastical realm of Sacramento, you can simultaneously 'increase support' for 'low-income households' – which, let's be honest, often means anyone who's ever grumbled about their phone bill – while 'reducing program costs.' This financial wizardry makes about as much sense as believing Gavin Newsom can balance a budget without conjuring new taxes out of thin air. We're pretty sure the 'cost reduction' here involves hiring fewer auditors to scrutinize where the money actually goes, which is a classic progressive move.

What the Independent fails to mention, because it would require actual critical thought, is that every 'free' phone and 'subsidized' internet connection comes with a price tag, ultimately paid by the very same hardworking Californians already struggling under the weight of endless mandates and soaring utility rates. It’s not 'free'; it's merely a transfer of wealth, overseen by unelected bureaucrats who seem to believe the state's coffers are an endless ATM for their pet projects and political posturing. Rest assured, the only thing truly 'reduced' here will be the taxpayer's bank account, not the CPUC's ever-expanding power.