BUELLTON BUREAUCRATS WARM TO FOOD TRUCKS, AFTER FREEZING SMALL BUSINESS FOR DECADES

Breaking news from the Santa Maria Times: the Buellton Planning Commission has, in a stunning act of bureaucratic courage, begun to "warm" to the radical concept of allowing food trucks to exist within city limits. Apparently, after years of treating mobile eateries like rogue warlords or purveyors of contraband, the powerful mandarins have decided that perhaps, just perhaps, allowing entrepreneurs to sell food might actually benefit the public.

One can only imagine the sheer terror that must have gripped city hall for all these years. A food truck! Unsupervised! What if someone bought a taco without filling out a three-page permit application? What if the horror of a spontaneous churro sale broke the very fabric of municipal order? It took a global economic slowdown and the grim reality of taxpayers actually noticing how few exciting food options exist in Buellton (unless you're into the same old sit-down joints) for the planners to finally put down their quills and consider this revolutionary idea.

Of course, it's not a free-for-all, peasant. Oh no. The Commission is still deep in the weeds, sketching out "where — and where not" these gastronomic gladiators might be permitted to roam. Because heaven forbid a small business should simply open where customers are, without a dozen government officials first charting their every move. One can only assume an army of clipboard-wielding inspectors will soon descend upon these food trucks, ensuring the queso meets the correct zoning ordinance specifications.

This isn't about fostering entrepreneurship; it's about control, plain and simple. The 'Whipping Post Take' is that this is less about serving the public and more about ensuring that the established brick-and-mortar restaurants (many of which likely have cozy relationships with city hall) aren't too terribly inconvenienced by genuine competition. Only in California does it take this long for common sense to get a reservation, and even then, only after extensive permitting and a full environmental impact report on the carbon footprint of deep-frying.